On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
