his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
In other news, I just burned my penis
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
