Just fell off a train. Bad.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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