Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize