The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
