We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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