I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
