He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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