his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You left your phone here
Wait...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
