You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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