bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
