When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
