Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
