also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize