booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I wish i was in the wii world.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I think pants incapable of making pants work
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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