she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I skipped work to stalk him.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
