tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
