Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
