The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
How external is "for external use only"?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
