Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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