Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
