if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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