If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
