Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
