Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
