she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
