he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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