I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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