i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize