she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize