You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize