I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
