i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
