I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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