Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
