i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If I die, sorry about rent.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
