"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
