So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
