Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
