Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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