I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
