I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
