my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
