there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Randomize
