The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
