The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
