Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
