Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
