im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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