oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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