She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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