ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize