they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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