not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
