he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
