So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
