She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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