So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
