I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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