proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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