I'm gonna have a badass scar
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
