I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
