my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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