you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
