I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
