I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Sex in the backyard? Check.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
