can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
