well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
they need to just BURY HIM!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
