You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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