tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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