morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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