Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
