the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Is it because I queefed?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
